ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
