I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
