This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
