i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
