I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
