I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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