I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
