its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
