...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
