I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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