alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
