I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
