shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize