Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
