If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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