I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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