he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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