I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
