You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
