highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
