That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i drank out of a bidet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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