so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
