We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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