WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
