Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
