Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
