I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They took my balls.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
