She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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