ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
