I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
