she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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