sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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