ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
