Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
