So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
