Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
