please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize