Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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