you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
