don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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