Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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