If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
