I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
