I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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