if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
