I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
