I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish I only lived at night.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize