the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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