she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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