I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
