I am spending my child support on dildos
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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