Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
