I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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