Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
