we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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