do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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