Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
