A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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