I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
