Sry I called you an 8
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
