whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
