she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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