i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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