Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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