I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
