i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
