I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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