I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my liver is dry heaving
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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