Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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