my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
