How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
