I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
