don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
