i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm like, not good at living.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize