mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
