I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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