I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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