the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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