her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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