i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
4 words: hood of his car
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
