So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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