'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
